A lot of you have said, or want to say, what a great job I'm doing with.....what I'm doing. And I want to thank you all for this. It means.....well it means a lot. No…no, c'mon guys, I'm trying to be serious here. Can't you just be serious for one second? Ok fine. Two seconds, and that is my final offer.
Fine, I never needed you anyways. What? Well fuck you too then. Here, let me open the door for you. I'd hate to see you do anything that is reasonably within your capabilities to do. Like the one time....no, I think I will start this. Let's just bring up the one incident in the restaurant with the soup? Remember that? No? Didn't think you would. You always had the knack for not being able to remember things about yourself, haven't you?
Why would you think I care would care where you stay? In fact, I'd be much happier if I knew you didn't have a place to stay. Yes. I am kicking you out. So get all your shit and get the hell out of here. Want me to call your parents for you and call and ask if you can stay?
Oh, what's wrong? You need a tissue? Well, while on your way out, I'll be sure to give you one.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Who The Heck Am I Talking To?
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
The Last Straw....Well Technically There Are 5 More.
“Like omg. Okay like this was like so funny. like when i was at party over the weekend. Their was like this rlly cool thing like happening. it was like so totally cool. omg it was like really cool though. k. think of it like being really cool and then you will know what i'm talk about.”
To some this, may seem like an over exaggeration of sorts. You may be saying to yourself that no one actually uses this type of language. If you could even call it that. You’d be right, sort of. No one should be using it, but alas. People do.
However, there are others of you who see this as a perfectly reasonable way to hold a conversation, by using horrendous grammar and using the phrase “like” an unneeded amount of times. To all those people whose see this as a totally feasible way to speak, this goes out to you.
The truly horrid part is the fact that the example above was taken, with “permission”, from an actual conversation between two people. Or was it three? No matter. If before, you thought I was just making all this up to get federal funding for my research. You’d be wrong. It’s an actual problem and I’m just doing my part as a concerned citizen to help. The grant money would be appreciated though.
Is it possible to actually stop this “degenerate speech/babble“, because it’s way too late to prevent it? I’m glad you asked that. Believe it or not. I prefer that you believe it. There is still hope for the young-uns. It starts with trying to eradicate the use of the word “like”. Not when using a simile or something similar. But when used for…..it’s such a useless phrase, that I can’t even form a reason as to why it’s used in the first place. But, the way it is used today, leads to other muck ups with language. Sort of like how the government tells us that marijuana is a “gateway drug”. When really it’s the easiest way to open yourself up creatively.
Anyways, “like” opens up the usage of even more deadly, incorrect language practices. Like having little to no details in a story that your telling or having so much unneeded details that everything that your saying becomes pointless. I’d rather not pollute the internet with an example of that. Suffice it to say that it’s pretty bad.
This part is a mere assumption but, I think “like” also gives people the ability, of sorts, to completely give words whole new meanings. Like for instance, how mad is used. Or they could just be doing this to make me mad.
This is why I believe “like” should just be completely thrown out from, wherever. In the hopes that it won’t be used for evil again. We could just come up with a new, more intelligent way to compare things anyway. I mean, we’re America. We can do anything we want.
It seems that I’m not the only one trying to combat this “evil”. The car company, Jetta, has entered themselves in this too. You may know what I’m talking about. Well here it is if you don’t.
It looks like they made a public service announcement on this problem in the disguise of a really funny car commercial. Pretty sneaky sis. If you look real carefully, you can see the words "stop it" or at least something very similar.
It says pretty clearly what I’ve been saying for years. That if you use “dumb” words, you're destined to die. Probably in a car crash. It’s a grim fate, I know. But the truth is not always rose blossoms and butterfly kisses, I’m afraid. I’d hate to call it an act of God, kind of like AIDS but…he ain’t no fool.
To some this, may seem like an over exaggeration of sorts. You may be saying to yourself that no one actually uses this type of language. If you could even call it that. You’d be right, sort of. No one should be using it, but alas. People do.
However, there are others of you who see this as a perfectly reasonable way to hold a conversation, by using horrendous grammar and using the phrase “like” an unneeded amount of times. To all those people whose see this as a totally feasible way to speak, this goes out to you.
The truly horrid part is the fact that the example above was taken, with “permission”, from an actual conversation between two people. Or was it three? No matter. If before, you thought I was just making all this up to get federal funding for my research. You’d be wrong. It’s an actual problem and I’m just doing my part as a concerned citizen to help. The grant money would be appreciated though.
Is it possible to actually stop this “degenerate speech/babble“, because it’s way too late to prevent it? I’m glad you asked that. Believe it or not. I prefer that you believe it. There is still hope for the young-uns. It starts with trying to eradicate the use of the word “like”. Not when using a simile or something similar. But when used for…..it’s such a useless phrase, that I can’t even form a reason as to why it’s used in the first place. But, the way it is used today, leads to other muck ups with language. Sort of like how the government tells us that marijuana is a “gateway drug”. When really it’s the easiest way to open yourself up creatively.
Anyways, “like” opens up the usage of even more deadly, incorrect language practices. Like having little to no details in a story that your telling or having so much unneeded details that everything that your saying becomes pointless. I’d rather not pollute the internet with an example of that. Suffice it to say that it’s pretty bad.
This part is a mere assumption but, I think “like” also gives people the ability, of sorts, to completely give words whole new meanings. Like for instance, how mad is used. Or they could just be doing this to make me mad.
This is why I believe “like” should just be completely thrown out from, wherever. In the hopes that it won’t be used for evil again. We could just come up with a new, more intelligent way to compare things anyway. I mean, we’re America. We can do anything we want.
It seems that I’m not the only one trying to combat this “evil”. The car company, Jetta, has entered themselves in this too. You may know what I’m talking about. Well here it is if you don’t.
It looks like they made a public service announcement on this problem in the disguise of a really funny car commercial. Pretty sneaky sis. If you look real carefully, you can see the words "stop it" or at least something very similar.
It says pretty clearly what I’ve been saying for years. That if you use “dumb” words, you're destined to die. Probably in a car crash. It’s a grim fate, I know. But the truth is not always rose blossoms and butterfly kisses, I’m afraid. I’d hate to call it an act of God, kind of like AIDS but…he ain’t no fool.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
What Did You Just Say?
As many of you may already know, I'm always trying to help our posterity prosper. I believe that they’re the way to the future and all that other jumble wumble hippy talk. I mean, I bought about 12 of them in Africa. So don’t try and tell me that I don’t care.
So this is why I’ve set out to help today’s young ones, with their serious problem with our English language. Statistics show that around 73% of people under the age of 17, don’t know what an apostrophe is. I see this as an utter catastrophe. And 54% of people under 14 can’t even spell blasphemy. So don’t you see?
It’s only a matter of time until we’re using pictures again to communicate. It’s up to me and even you all, to, for lack of a better term, nip this little problem in the urethra. Which is much more effective then the bud. Because I’ll be damned if I ever have to go back to using a drawing of a middle finger to express my anger towards someone.
I haven’t yet been able to decipher why this is so. But these kids, our young ones, our future, refuse, absolutely will not use the words that were expertly crafted for our daily use….correctly.
Take the word “mad” for instance. Now to everyone with….intelligence. Not saying that these kids don’t have any though. This word is most commonly used to express ones anger towards someone or even something. And according to my good friend Encarta, who actually is throwing a rather large and probably extravagant dinner party. You should all really come. It’s probably going to be a ton of fun.
mad [mad]
adj (comparative mad·der, superlative mad·dest)
1. very angry: affected by great displeasure or anger
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
But for some unexplainable reason, “mad” now has some new meaning. But this so called “new meaning” it has…..makes no sense whatsoever. I can understand how, a word that’s been used for, almost ever, how it may not make sense that all of a sudden, it could now have a new connotation. So let me give you an example of what I mean.
“I received mad admiration, a fort night ago at the game.” Now, with the use of mad here, the speaker isn’t even trying to express any anger. But instead, the speaker is attempting to emphasize the vast amount of admiration he received. At I guess some type of sporting event. However, the word mad, doesn’t have any type of number associated with it. Sort of like how dozen means 12. Now, if the example, instead went something like “I received grand amounts of admiration, a fort night ago at the game.” This other, more reasonable way, isn’t only more reasonable but it also allows for the speaker to stay hip and in with his pals.
Now I’m a fairly reasonable, understanding guy. Maybe I’m just taking this too far out of context. It could just be a replacement for a lot. In which case, you should just use a lot. I mean, It’s there for a reason. It’s one thing to completely change the entire meaning of a word. But to neglect another is……well I’d rather not start down that rabbit hole.
So this is why I’ve set out to help today’s young ones, with their serious problem with our English language. Statistics show that around 73% of people under the age of 17, don’t know what an apostrophe is. I see this as an utter catastrophe. And 54% of people under 14 can’t even spell blasphemy. So don’t you see?
It’s only a matter of time until we’re using pictures again to communicate. It’s up to me and even you all, to, for lack of a better term, nip this little problem in the urethra. Which is much more effective then the bud. Because I’ll be damned if I ever have to go back to using a drawing of a middle finger to express my anger towards someone.
I haven’t yet been able to decipher why this is so. But these kids, our young ones, our future, refuse, absolutely will not use the words that were expertly crafted for our daily use….correctly.
Take the word “mad” for instance. Now to everyone with….intelligence. Not saying that these kids don’t have any though. This word is most commonly used to express ones anger towards someone or even something. And according to my good friend Encarta, who actually is throwing a rather large and probably extravagant dinner party. You should all really come. It’s probably going to be a ton of fun.
mad [mad]
adj (comparative mad·der, superlative mad·dest)
1. very angry: affected by great displeasure or anger
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
But for some unexplainable reason, “mad” now has some new meaning. But this so called “new meaning” it has…..makes no sense whatsoever. I can understand how, a word that’s been used for, almost ever, how it may not make sense that all of a sudden, it could now have a new connotation. So let me give you an example of what I mean.
“I received mad admiration, a fort night ago at the game.” Now, with the use of mad here, the speaker isn’t even trying to express any anger. But instead, the speaker is attempting to emphasize the vast amount of admiration he received. At I guess some type of sporting event. However, the word mad, doesn’t have any type of number associated with it. Sort of like how dozen means 12. Now, if the example, instead went something like “I received grand amounts of admiration, a fort night ago at the game.” This other, more reasonable way, isn’t only more reasonable but it also allows for the speaker to stay hip and in with his pals.
Now I’m a fairly reasonable, understanding guy. Maybe I’m just taking this too far out of context. It could just be a replacement for a lot. In which case, you should just use a lot. I mean, It’s there for a reason. It’s one thing to completely change the entire meaning of a word. But to neglect another is……well I’d rather not start down that rabbit hole.
Monday, September 18, 2006
I Do Only What I Can.
If you were given all the money you could ever want, what would you do with it? Would you give it to charity? Would you keep it all for yourself? Or would you throw it away and continue to live a meager, worthless life?
Well unfortunately, I can't give you the answer to that question and neither can anyone else. That is a answer you have to make for yourself. No one can answer but you. And I'll tell you why. You see, we live in a world where everyone has the ability to rise to the top. If, that is, they have necessary items. One being a fair bit of power. Either attained through having….power or money. In, some and usually most cases, both.
If everyone could answer for you, then why would you even need to live. You could just sit back and let everything happen. Of coarse that would not be very fun at all. If that was the case then everything that our forefathers did, would just be in vain. If our lives were not given the full and up most attention that they deserve then, we really shouldn't even be alive. I know that may sound a little pessimistic but hear me out. And please just pay attention.
What was that? I’ll have you know that I have an associates in psychology so I think I know what I'm talking about. Give me some credit. I didn't go to the best community college that financial aid can buy for nothing. I know I didn’t spend a few months of my life at fcc so I could be mocked. And Billy…..Billy, what are you doing. Just put the stapler down. Well I don’t care what Tom said. Does Tom have a stapler in his hands. No. So go sit down and listen. I spent all night writing this speech. Granted I only came up with a couple sentences, but that’s not the point.
Now that I have your attention, what do some of you think of the continually declining structure of our society. Hmmm? Well just to get you started. What do some of you think the outcome will be with the whole gay marriage issue. Does anyone think that this will actually destroy the sanctity of marriage. Yeah, Cathy, you have some thing to say………yes you can go to the lavatory. Don’t forget the hallpass.
Anyone. Your all going to tell me that all of you have absolutely no thoughts on this subject. Your all sitting here with no objections, no views. That’s just…..
But we don’t have all day to delve on topics that are most important to the well being of our country. God forbid I try and make sure that we are prepared for what is to come. But whatever.
Ok. Who’s ready for finger painting.
Well unfortunately, I can't give you the answer to that question and neither can anyone else. That is a answer you have to make for yourself. No one can answer but you. And I'll tell you why. You see, we live in a world where everyone has the ability to rise to the top. If, that is, they have necessary items. One being a fair bit of power. Either attained through having….power or money. In, some and usually most cases, both.
If everyone could answer for you, then why would you even need to live. You could just sit back and let everything happen. Of coarse that would not be very fun at all. If that was the case then everything that our forefathers did, would just be in vain. If our lives were not given the full and up most attention that they deserve then, we really shouldn't even be alive. I know that may sound a little pessimistic but hear me out. And please just pay attention.
What was that? I’ll have you know that I have an associates in psychology so I think I know what I'm talking about. Give me some credit. I didn't go to the best community college that financial aid can buy for nothing. I know I didn’t spend a few months of my life at fcc so I could be mocked. And Billy…..Billy, what are you doing. Just put the stapler down. Well I don’t care what Tom said. Does Tom have a stapler in his hands. No. So go sit down and listen. I spent all night writing this speech. Granted I only came up with a couple sentences, but that’s not the point.
Now that I have your attention, what do some of you think of the continually declining structure of our society. Hmmm? Well just to get you started. What do some of you think the outcome will be with the whole gay marriage issue. Does anyone think that this will actually destroy the sanctity of marriage. Yeah, Cathy, you have some thing to say………yes you can go to the lavatory. Don’t forget the hallpass.
Anyone. Your all going to tell me that all of you have absolutely no thoughts on this subject. Your all sitting here with no objections, no views. That’s just…..
But we don’t have all day to delve on topics that are most important to the well being of our country. God forbid I try and make sure that we are prepared for what is to come. But whatever.
Ok. Who’s ready for finger painting.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
BFF
-Hey your back. Did something happen to you while you were in there?
-No. I just saw someone I knew. You remember Arthur?
-Yeah. The guy from the Catalog thing right.
-Yep. That’s the one.
-So how’s he doing?
-Oh. I don’t know. I just said hi to him. I’m actually not sure if it was really him. But it did look like him.
So, is this a good restaurant?
-Yeah. I like it. I usually come here a lot with Stacy.
-Oh yeah. How is she doing by the way?
-She’s doing pretty well. She just got offered a job at the shop down the road from that one store. You know the one that sells those disgusting antique miniatures?
-Yeah. That place makes me choke by just being near it.
-Well she now works at the store just down the road from there.
-Well that’s great for her.
Does it usually take this long for the food to come?
-I know. I think it’s been about 20 minutes so far.
-Oh here it comes.
-Great. Your gonna love what you got by the way.
-I sure hope so.
Wow. Is this what it’s suppose to look like?
-Um, well it did look a little different last time I had it. But it looks ok for the most part.
-What if it was like, poisoned and when I ate it I just died right here. How funny would that be?
-Except for the you not living part, yeah, it would be kind of funny.
-But how much would that suck if that actually did happen?
-Haha. That would suck pretty bad.
-Haha. That’s almost as bad as being killed by your best friend or something
-Hahahah yeah, just about……wait. You don’t have anything planned do you? Hahaha just kidding.
-Uh…what? Haha, of coarse not.
-Ok, yeah. that’s what I thought. But, let's just say you do. How would you do it?
-Um lets see…um…well I’d have to drug you first. Probably when we’re both at party or something.
-Like the one Carrie is throwing this weekend
-Yeah, I guess that would probably work.
Anyways, at the party I’d probably spike your drink with something that’ll just knock you right out. Those shouldn’t be that hard to find. I’d probably volunteer as designated driver for you too, so that I could drive you home that night.
Then with you knocked out, I’d tie some ropes to your legs that were attached to some cinder blocks. I’d then drive out to the lake, you know the one on 92. And down you would go.
-wait, what……
-Yeah. But, that’s a pretty long drive all the way down to the lake. So I would probably have to stop off for gas on the way. And probably just to end the night, I’d get one of those delicious hoagies. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones on 15th. Aren’t they great. Anyways…I’d eat one of those while I watched you drown. O shoot, that would mean though that I’ll need something to drink. Well I can probably get something while I pick up the hoagie. But I don’t think those pills will be cheap. So…how am I going to pay for all that food and stuff.
Aren’t the hoagies something like, 9 bucks right? Hey umm, you wouldn’t mind maybe…letting me hold a few bucks would you?
Wait. Where are you going. I hope you don’t think that lunch is on me again…that no good…always sticking me with the bill. Well I got something for you *cheesy one liner*
-No. I just saw someone I knew. You remember Arthur?
-Yeah. The guy from the Catalog thing right.
-Yep. That’s the one.
-So how’s he doing?
-Oh. I don’t know. I just said hi to him. I’m actually not sure if it was really him. But it did look like him.
So, is this a good restaurant?
-Yeah. I like it. I usually come here a lot with Stacy.
-Oh yeah. How is she doing by the way?
-She’s doing pretty well. She just got offered a job at the shop down the road from that one store. You know the one that sells those disgusting antique miniatures?
-Yeah. That place makes me choke by just being near it.
-Well she now works at the store just down the road from there.
-Well that’s great for her.
Does it usually take this long for the food to come?
-I know. I think it’s been about 20 minutes so far.
-Oh here it comes.
-Great. Your gonna love what you got by the way.
-I sure hope so.
Wow. Is this what it’s suppose to look like?
-Um, well it did look a little different last time I had it. But it looks ok for the most part.
-What if it was like, poisoned and when I ate it I just died right here. How funny would that be?
-Except for the you not living part, yeah, it would be kind of funny.
-But how much would that suck if that actually did happen?
-Haha. That would suck pretty bad.
-Haha. That’s almost as bad as being killed by your best friend or something
-Hahahah yeah, just about……wait. You don’t have anything planned do you? Hahaha just kidding.
-Uh…what? Haha, of coarse not.
-Ok, yeah. that’s what I thought. But, let's just say you do. How would you do it?
-Um lets see…um…well I’d have to drug you first. Probably when we’re both at party or something.
-Like the one Carrie is throwing this weekend
-Yeah, I guess that would probably work.
Anyways, at the party I’d probably spike your drink with something that’ll just knock you right out. Those shouldn’t be that hard to find. I’d probably volunteer as designated driver for you too, so that I could drive you home that night.
Then with you knocked out, I’d tie some ropes to your legs that were attached to some cinder blocks. I’d then drive out to the lake, you know the one on 92. And down you would go.
-wait, what……
-Yeah. But, that’s a pretty long drive all the way down to the lake. So I would probably have to stop off for gas on the way. And probably just to end the night, I’d get one of those delicious hoagies. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones on 15th. Aren’t they great. Anyways…I’d eat one of those while I watched you drown. O shoot, that would mean though that I’ll need something to drink. Well I can probably get something while I pick up the hoagie. But I don’t think those pills will be cheap. So…how am I going to pay for all that food and stuff.
Aren’t the hoagies something like, 9 bucks right? Hey umm, you wouldn’t mind maybe…letting me hold a few bucks would you?
Wait. Where are you going. I hope you don’t think that lunch is on me again…that no good…always sticking me with the bill. Well I got something for you *cheesy one liner*
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