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I need you to do something for me. It's not terribly difficult or anything, in fact it may turn out to be really fun.

Ready...wait, first, before we begin, I'm going to ask you to clear your mind. Get rid of all your thoughts so that your mind is completely empty, so that your not focusing on anything at all. But please do write down anything important that you may need to reference later, like say a special meeting that you need to go to, or if you have to pick up your dry cleaning later. You know, anything you don't want to forget, because I don't want to be held accountable for anything that might happen, or in this case, what might not happen. I'll give you a couple seconds to do all this with some Amos Lee to past the time Alright, done? Well that's good. Now that all is taking care of, we can start.

To begin, I want to ask you a few questions. No, don't worry none of these are terribly personal questions. Ok, first one: What is your social security number.....hohohoho. I kid I kid.

Alright, we really have to begin this soon, Idol is going to come on in just a little bit.
Now, to get down to business.... hahaha. Sorry, I know your not suppose to laugh at your own puns, but I couldn't help myself. That's it, enough kidding around. No no no. I wasn't was yelling at you. I was only trying to sound a little assertive. O please don't cry, that'll ruin everything....are you ok now? Ok, let's begin.

If you look to your left, you should see a bright blue packet with the words "In The Name Of" written on the top. If you don't see it, I'll give you a few minutes to find it. Found it? That's super. Now here comes the part that gets most's panties in a twist . I now need you to turn to page 46 starting backwards from page 89. Good. Now I know you may be a little puzzled as to what your supposed to do now, seeing as the page is in ancient sanskrit. That's ok, that page is insignificant to what we're doing right now anyways. The page you need to read is, 5 away from 54 and 9 from 43. Tell me when you get to the right the page.....O, I can't watch you suffer like that, so just turn to page 25.

Now here is when it starts to get really fun. I mean outrageously fun. I'm talking the type of fun you have when you fly your first kite after having just left your parents funeral fun. Hard to believe isn't it? That both of them could have been taken away from you at such an early age. Left to defend yourself from the dangers of life. Not knowing right from wrong, good from bad, homosexual from straight. Those were some very difficult times back then and would just like to thank louis for being my hero. It's too bad though, it's illegal to be "happy" with a 8 year old boy. I kept on trying to tell them that we had something special and that it didn't matter that he was slighty older then me by only 22 years. We had true love. But I'm getting a little off-topic.

After you finish reading the second paragraph in the wingdings text, you should have come to realize something. That’s right, that It’ll cost you $153 to continue with the program.


"Mr. Teddy Fingers, I tried to the best of my ability to do what you told me to, but to no success. Is there anything you may have forgotten to tell us, like maybe some missed step that was essential to...whatever this was supposed to be?" To all you whiners and girly men, all I have to say is. How dare you question my instruction giving ability. Do I go to your house and criticize your already questionable love making ability? No. So I would expect the same from you. The nerve of some people. However, if you send me the $153, that's when the program takes a grand turn and becomes something so undeniably awesome, you won't be able to stop yourself from sending me more money. The preferred payment of choice is to send your credit card number to my email. This is the most effective way to do things I've found.