This "Limbo Blog" will hopefully contain moments of the undeniably funny. Which, if I'm lucky, will be awesome.
Warning: Some material found here may be offensive to some readers. Especially those with morals of any kind. So please read at your own risk. The content is in no way condoned, shared with or express the same views and/or thoughts of the author. Except a couple.
The Essence Of Awesome. A place for all pseudo-intellectuals everywear.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

**Have You Ever Heard Little Red Riding Hood.....On Weed?**

Hey kids, today we have a story about a little cherry bear named Little Cherry Bear Ann Jenkins. But, his friends just called him LCBAJ for short. But for our purposes, we'll just refer to him as Cherry.

Well, Cherry was out in the cannabis patch, getting ready for another farming season when his mother called him into the house. When he was finally done preparing the crops and went in, his mother handed him 43.57 and told him to pick something up from the store for his aunt. However, Little Cherry had little to no idea what he was to get, so he started to leave, intent on using the money for the removal of his tumor. But then his mother told him that he would find clues about what to get for his aunt. It looked like Cherry would just have to keep fighting a little longer.

Lucky for Cherry's aunt, Cherry enjoyed a good mystery especially tough ones that took a lot of thought, perseverance, determination and intelligence. Unfortunately, the clue was a post-it note that his mom gave him, which told him to go the super store and get some soft hard candy for his aunt, hopefully to cure her raging STDs.


Cherry had to travel through the forest of banished fairies so he could get to the store, which was located adjacent to the mall and perpendicular to the strip mall. Unfortunately, Cherry had smoked a blunt before leaving so instead of heading to the store and buying the magic candy, he instead, wandered into an alley and fell asleep in a pile of garbage. This led to his aunt never receiving the candy, thus dying of an over infestation of crabs. Cherry was also mugged and raped in the alley.


So, the moral of the story is, don't do drugs or your skanky aunt will die. So the real moral of the story, don't have a sexual encounter with your STD ridden aunt without some form of protection, preferably, cow hide. That way everything will be smooth sailings. GOOOOO Incest.


"Mr.Merry-Go-Round, I think there may be something seriously wrong with you. I recommend some sort of doctor to look at you, maybe a therapist. It looks like you have had some serious problems growing up. It seems you have quite a few emotional scars." All I have to say to all you people with your feelings and concerns is, please read the disclaimer at the top. It says right there in the ancient German, that none of the things here reflect the views of the author. And if you are too ignorant to realize that the title is a reference to Half Baked, specifically the scene containing the god, Jon Stewart, then please do something along the lines of dislodging yourself from the material world. Well that seems like a nice way to end things. A threat to my already limited audience.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Hard Day At The Job.

In the news today, a great white was found off the coast of the Antarctic. He was brought in for the possession of questionable material. When asked about the items in question, the shark had this to say “I’m just holding them for my good friend, Buddy who’s out on vacation”. The authorities were aware of the definite lie that was told because it was common knowledge that this shark had no friends and still lived with his mother. Which is a poor sight indeed, just ask my mother. When the shark’s attorney was questioned, he had this to say, “I don’t know why they are targeting my client, when it’s all his friends junk.” The reporters, when hearing this, all broke out into a fit of laughter. The friend in question could not be reached for questioning.
OH! You know what that loud shrieking, ear deafening sound is right? That sound means it’s time for our slogan of the week. This weeks slogan is from Alzheimer’s Medication and Therapy. Their slogan, “When you need to know your name, we got you covered.” O. It brings tears to my now desolate ducts.
In other news today, Yugoslavian prime minister, untranslatable into english, was found guilty in the Brazilian courts this week for the decapitation of his deceased pet, Furball. What freaks…the Yugoslavians are.

Now with sports, our own Jon Jacklebarrysmit.
:Hey Alex, well today was a fabulous day in sports. First, we have an interview with league MPV Mar…
:Thank you Jon for that wonderful report. In other news tonight, Sherry Ann was finally found…
:Hey, what the hell, I’m still suppose to talk about the NBA finals and we have this funny little thing with steroids. I mean, I still got like 15 minutes here.
:Exactly
:You know what. F U Alex. F U
:Well Jon, I would hit you up with a “that’s what she said” but that would make entirely no sense. O, alright, I’m being told to keep this coco train a moving. So, here’s your local meteorologist, Kenny Burnstein with the weather.
:How ya’s doin Alex.
:Hey Ken. Well, I see that you still have that English problem.
:Um…sure. Well, tha weathea…won’t be presented for yous guys todaee because the station has again, neglected my need fo a Doppla Rader, green screen and map. Things, essential for a weather report. So it’s weird that I don’t have them.
:Well, maybe better luck next time. And Ken, I’ve wanted to ask you, how exactly did you become a meteorologist?
:You really have to ask this over the air?
:Yes
:I went to college. Like most other meteorologist.
:O really. I always thought that you were some bum that sort of just wandered into the station asking for a job and that’s why they gave you the worst job here. Huh. My bad then I guess. Well that wraps up this weeks broadcast. Thanks for watching and have a pleasant….Wait, Jon what are you doing?…No, don’t do this, I mean you have your whole life ahead of you and what about Jane? What would she do with me…with you gone. We can make a deal here can’t we. For goodness sake, we’re on national television right now. You can’t just kill me. O…maybe you can.



"Mr.Hillkilln, What is going on. Before you had stuff that was ok but not funny at all. This had me actually laughing. What did you do?" To all you critics all I have to say is, It's unimaginable how little the amount of drugs you need to tweek out. I recommend 15mls of KFBT. Just be prepared for a fun time.

Bionuclear Mutation.





I just thought these pics were awesome and needed to be shown to the world, so other people could enjoy the pure enjoyment that is created when viewed.